yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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