Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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