but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
