I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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