he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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