New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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