We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
