i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
