There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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