I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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