i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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