I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
