O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
