kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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