this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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