I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got carded by a ten year old.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Randomize