I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
