I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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