I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
