how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
operation harelip BJ is a go
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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