why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
