ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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