I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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