4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I queefed so loud it echoed.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
