i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
