Me. At least after what I've been through.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
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First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
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In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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