im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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