I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
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Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
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It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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