Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
