His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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