Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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