i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
