You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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