He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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