I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I was not drunk enough for that final.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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