I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
