The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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