i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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