He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Randomize
