when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
