i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
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Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
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Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
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