You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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