I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
