On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
We talked him into tasing himself.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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