Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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