you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
