Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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