you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
