i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize