i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
