There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
