Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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