You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
