I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
