sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
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