he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
