dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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