I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
