D3 body, D1 cock
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
