he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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