I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
